Friday, April 18, 2008

Alicia Keys' Conspiracy

Alicia Keys: Great voice, great looks, dumb as a sack of hammers?

Alicia was recently quoted in an interview with Blender magazine as saying the government invented Gangsta Rap so that black people would try to kill each other. A casual analysis of that statement reveals that Alica believes a race of people are so gullible and violent that the right song lyrics or beat will cause them to kill their fellow people for little or no reason. After all, they were told to do it. No thinking is involved.

At first I was skeptical, but after mulling it over a little more, I think she's right.

Just look at all the other conspiracies the Gubbermint has been involved with; the moon landing, the JFK assassination, Elvis, the theory that Pontiacs are sporty cars, Big Foot, Area 51, and more. So I wouldn't be surprised if they weren't pulling the strings in the music industry. We've all been duped. But it's not just black people they're after. Look at what they've done to Country Music. I think the Gubbermint uses Top 40 Country to pacify rebellious white people! How else can you explain how every Top 40 Country song appears to have the same blandness? Why do all the instruments seem to come from the same limited sound effects library? Why is there no portion of the song without vocals? Why is the tempo so formulaic? Why do they all look like Michael Boltons with cowboy hats?

Yeah, Kenny's got "No Problems". That's because he's an agent of the Gubbermint sent to pacify rebellious white people. That's right, Whitey, ignore your deteriorating rural schools and communities and just smoke dope and be cool. No problems. Just stay in the trailer and drink Budweiser.

If I'm wrong then how can you explain how Johnny Cash was assassinated recently? That's right, I said it. Johnny finally crossed the line after so many years and they had to smack him down. I'm sure Bush tried to protect him for as long as possible but in the end had to give in to his evil minions Karl Rove and Dick Cheney. Those bastards!

The only way to fight this hugely successful campaign to control our minds is to form a unified front; an army of informed citizens who only kill each other for more legitimate reasons. An army that actually puts their shirts on before being arrested in the trailer park. I'm willing to lead that army, as the first person to bust this conspiracy wide open, but I need your help. Without your monetary support I cannot reach the communities who so desperately need to be informed. Please consider making a credit card, cash, or paypal donation to the cause today. Together we'll unify the races against the evil Bush administration and end this insanity!

Thank you, Alicia Keys for your insight! YOU HAVE SET US FREE!


chill24 said...

down wit the gubbermint! i think they're tampering with our driver's side window too. :)

Anonymous said...

Where do I send the money?

Anything I can do to help end the EVIL tyranny of this rat-b*st*rd gubbermint, and country music too, well, you know where to find me.